Why would you be obliged to like him? Most of the other trolls hated him, from what I heard; you could do that too! You don't need to be so damned self-sacrificing all the time, Kanaya.
It doesn't matter now, though. He was sent back almost as soon as I found out about what he really did. He lied to me over and over out of concern for nothing but his own safety... and maybe my happiness, I guess. Said the same things as you do about my self-sacrificial nature, and I figure you assume that sort of thing makes me miserable.
I don't know. But how much would it matter if it did? Whenever I want something and try to get it by force - hatching the orb, blood, whatever - it's shot down. So the main alternative is satisfaction derived from others anyway.
That kept happening to people... I've never really understood that. It seemed like I somehow had worse experience with humans compared to everyone else.
[The bartender will oblige!!! And Kanaya will let the bartender oblige, honestly. She's remembering Roxy.]
Sometimes... sometimes I really wonder if the happiness available centuries ahead of us is actually determined primarily by the results of some shoddy decisions made at the age of six sweeps.
How do we know what's shoddy and what isn't? That's the thing. I'm almost twenty-five years old now and I'm still not sure if I'm making the right choices with some stuff.
[the alcohol is loosening her up a bit; she's saying things and asking questions that she'd normally be more guarded around, considering how long it's been since she's seen Kanaya]
There was a guy. Is a guy, even though I pretend it's all in the past tense. I haven't seen him since I was fifteen, but...
[Glances over. She hadn't expected that... presumably not Tavros?]
Hey, that applies to most of our team, and the way you say that makes it seem like you knew him since thirteen. It doesn't matter where or when you met. [Is she contradicting herself? Yes. She hadn't gone into this conversation with a prepared platform. Lapsing back into patterns of providing narcissistic supply.]
With your guy you last saw at fifteen who you still describe in the present tense.
You know what pattern I could never deduce is if he'd be fifteen or twenty-five were you reunited. [siiiiiince she assumes this guy was her age at the time]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:25 am (UTC)It doesn't matter now, though. He was sent back almost as soon as I found out about what he really did. He lied to me over and over out of concern for nothing but his own safety... and maybe my happiness, I guess. Said the same things as you do about my self-sacrificial nature, and I figure you assume that sort of thing makes me miserable.
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:30 am (UTC)I don't know. But how much would it matter if it did? Whenever I want something and try to get it by force - hatching the orb, blood, whatever - it's shot down. So the main alternative is satisfaction derived from others anyway.
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:40 am (UTC)[She wishes the conversation weren't directed on herself but can't figure out how to fix that]
It's a remmant of my resentment about giving up our dialect, really. That was probably easier for you as a highblood.
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:46 am (UTC)-- Hey, bartender! I definitely want that scotch right now. How about it?
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:55 am (UTC)Sometimes... sometimes I really wonder if the happiness available centuries ahead of us is actually determined primarily by the results of some shoddy decisions made at the age of six sweeps.
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 07:58 am (UTC)That's a good point.
[She takes out some of her marques and sifts through them - they're iron coins.] What's reasonable...
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:00 am (UTC)There was a guy. Is a guy, even though I pretend it's all in the past tense. I haven't seen him since I was fifteen, but...
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:07 am (UTC)Hey, that applies to most of our team, and the way you say that makes it seem like you knew him since thirteen. It doesn't matter where or when you met. [Is she contradicting herself? Yes. She hadn't gone into this conversation with a prepared platform. Lapsing back into patterns of providing narcissistic supply.]
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:10 am (UTC)And it matters.
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:25 am (UTC)You know what pattern I could never deduce is if he'd be fifteen or twenty-five were you reunited. [siiiiiince she assumes this guy was her age at the time]
no subject
Date: 2013-06-03 08:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
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